My weight in icecream

So, it’s come to this.
I’m watching hairspray in tears, a cup of tea on one side, my weight in ice cream on the other.
But I’m making myself feel better, because Tracy Turnblad had all her dreams come true and she was the size of a house. She also received zack effron.
This week I’ve felt SO down. I’ve had news that knocked me off my feet and now it’s the only thing on my mind! It’s my prom on Thursday and I’m really not feeling it, but maybe I will.
I’m so unhappy in so many ways I can’t explain and I shouldn’t be which makes me feel even worse!
Nobody’s listening to me, I’m hoping writing will make me feel better.
But after the day I’ve had today, I think everyone is miserable, they just cover it up with a smile, happy thoughts and a little fairy dust, they’re flying in no time.
What really annoys me, is when people say that girls in particular fake being depressed. They may not be ‘depressed’ but they could be experiencing extreme sadness, I think everyone does. People like that are most likely sad because of people like them, telling them how they feel. What right do they have? none!
That horrible empty feeling, like you’re numb and don’t ever want to smile or laugh again. You start planning things you’re going to change or say to people or do with yourself and can’t stop the tears coming. And then when someone asks you why you’re crying, you just can’t explain. I know it sounds so incredibly girly and pathetic, but it really does happen to people, and the people that say its for attention are shallow and a little bit thoughtless, all people want to do is express themselves, if they don’t it’ll just eat and eat and eat until you end up doing something incredibly stupid.
Give someone a hug – I always go to my mum. It was my Nanna, too. She’d give you those lovely suffocating cuddles that even though you’re struggling for air, you love so much. I did anyway, and I’d give anything for one right now.
Talk about it, or write it down, when I feel sad this is the first place I come – or I have a notebook for my really angry thoughts!
They have no idea what thoughts a person has, nor what goes on behind closed doors, therefore no judgement should be made. Ever.
It just makes me SO angry!
Love from me. X

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‘Guy mates’

So my bestfriends (the girls) told me to write about my bestfriends (the guys).

There’s a lot I can say about them all.
I could list their names and state the things I love about each one of them.

I won’t embarrass them that much.
They’re all typical guys. They’ll all you ‘gay’ if you try and get soppy or emotional with them, they throw food at eachother and talk with their mouths full. The ‘banter’ can sometimes go a bit far but that’s because they’re guys and were girls and girls just can’t do banter, they take it to heart.

I wouldn’t change any of them for the world though.

They will always be there if you’re feeling down and will listen to you moan on at them about nothing in particular. They’re hugs are the best, you know that they’re really genuine and they can keep a secret.

Some of the things they say and do can be some of the funniest things I’ve ever witnessed. Or some of the weirdest. If you’ve never seen somebody eat a tea bag then you’re obviously not friends with these guys.
They will look after you when you’re not feeling too good or if you just feel a lot like poo.
Talking of poo their farts are absolutely disgusting.
They don’t care what us girls look like and don’t mind if we’re hair scraped back with no makeup on in a hoodie. We don’t have to make an effort for them or be careful what we do or say because it really doesn’t matter to them.(i hope!)
I can’t wait to have most of them round this weekend. They’ll probably wreck the place but we’ll have so much fun.
They’re absolutely crazy but I love them so much. They’ve cheered me up just writing about them. They’ve been my friends for about 3 years and I don’t think I’ll ever find any as special and lovely as these guys if I looked for the rest of my life.
‘HA. GAYYYYYEEEEE’

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Changers

You know the people. No one gives them a second look in year seven. Greasy hair, lots of spots, no makeup, wonky teeth, etc. Then by year eleven, they’ve had braces, they sort out their hair and their skin has cleared up.
My sister is one of these.
At least I think she will be. She’s 13 and in year 8 at school. When she started, her hair hung limply from her hair with a thin coating of grease and her spots were horrendous. Her teeth are wonky, yet she is still stunning beneath all that. She’s growing into a proper figure, now too. Her legs are slim and her stomach looks toned even though she never lifts a finger. (She’s one of those people who can eat whatever and still be skinny. Yes, one of those people that deserve that special place in hell) (joking, I wouldn’t want her to go to hell.)
Now she’s started to put effort into her lovely blonde hair and applying that little bit of mascara and she looks lovely without even trying. She’s getting braces soon so by the time she’s 15 and starts getting interested in boys she will be stunning.
And there’s me… Chubby, plastering on makeup to look half decent, scraggly hair, gorgeous friends..
I WILL be the unattractive sister. It’ll be ‘Amy’s the fit sister’ and as much as I say I don’t care what people think, I do, I really do care about being judged and spoken about.. Doesn’t everyone?
I really don’t want this to happen. Of course, I want my sister to be stunning, to get attention. I’d never want her any different. But I just don’t want to be the unattractive one.
I am going to try and stick to a diet and do excersise. This time I mean it. I won’t eat the unhealthy thing, and my sister can be my motivation. After my tea tonight I’ll go for a run. Then I will have some green tea and go to bed.
I will do this!!!
Maybe… I’ll keep you updated:)

Leaving school

It’s getting to the end of the year, exams are on the horizon and everyone’s getting ready to say goodbye. I have 4 chemistry lessons left. 4.
I genuinely said ‘SHIT’ loudly when our teacher Announced that. The realisation of the fact I have an exam in chemistry after 4 more lessons and the fact school time with my friends is nearly over hit me in that short moment she told us we have 4 lessons left.
Soon I’ll start college- which don’t get me wrong I’m so excited about – and I’ll say goodbye to the majority of my friends and all of my teachers and have to start all over again getting to know a new place and new people. I don’t want to 😦
My friends are absolutely insane and I can’t imagine a school day without them, how is this happening so soon? It feels like yesterday I started in year 7 and was awkwardly stating my name for the people in my class in a hope to make friends.
Why do the government this is okay? Letting us spend 4 years getting to know people and building up relationships with the people you love and then suddenly when you turn 16 they take it away and send you off to start again at college.
Sorry for the over dramatic description.
I’m not happy about this.