My weight in icecream

So, it’s come to this.
I’m watching hairspray in tears, a cup of tea on one side, my weight in ice cream on the other.
But I’m making myself feel better, because Tracy Turnblad had all her dreams come true and she was the size of a house. She also received zack effron.
This week I’ve felt SO down. I’ve had news that knocked me off my feet and now it’s the only thing on my mind! It’s my prom on Thursday and I’m really not feeling it, but maybe I will.
I’m so unhappy in so many ways I can’t explain and I shouldn’t be which makes me feel even worse!
Nobody’s listening to me, I’m hoping writing will make me feel better.
But after the day I’ve had today, I think everyone is miserable, they just cover it up with a smile, happy thoughts and a little fairy dust, they’re flying in no time.
What really annoys me, is when people say that girls in particular fake being depressed. They may not be ‘depressed’ but they could be experiencing extreme sadness, I think everyone does. People like that are most likely sad because of people like them, telling them how they feel. What right do they have? none!
That horrible empty feeling, like you’re numb and don’t ever want to smile or laugh again. You start planning things you’re going to change or say to people or do with yourself and can’t stop the tears coming. And then when someone asks you why you’re crying, you just can’t explain. I know it sounds so incredibly girly and pathetic, but it really does happen to people, and the people that say its for attention are shallow and a little bit thoughtless, all people want to do is express themselves, if they don’t it’ll just eat and eat and eat until you end up doing something incredibly stupid.
Give someone a hug – I always go to my mum. It was my Nanna, too. She’d give you those lovely suffocating cuddles that even though you’re struggling for air, you love so much. I did anyway, and I’d give anything for one right now.
Talk about it, or write it down, when I feel sad this is the first place I come – or I have a notebook for my really angry thoughts!
They have no idea what thoughts a person has, nor what goes on behind closed doors, therefore no judgement should be made. Ever.
It just makes me SO angry!
Love from me. X

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29th April

Hello.

I’m not feeling it today.

I’m feeling pretty down, i’m not too sure why.

Lonely despite the friends I have, sad despite how lucky I am to have everything and everybody around me. I feel so bad:(

I took my brother and Sister out for a 50 pound meal after school and for a brief period I was pretty happy, now i’m back home and to reality and I’m ready to cry into my pillow after writing this post.

GKSDGBKKHSDBFGKNBFKGBFFHADFKFFHJHFHFJFJKFF;;DFL;D;DF

finished.

i’m surrounded by happiness yet i feel like i’m in my own little bubble of poo where everything is poo and I just feel so guilty about it.

There’s so much on my mind, exams, family life, school, friends, appearance, blah blah blahhhhh.

Anyways, I’m excited to start posting chapters from my book.

sorry this post has been poo.

i’m going to get a cup of tea, have a cry and go to sleep I think.

I’ll post something you’ll Actually want to read tomorrow.

Night x