My sister

I don’t get along with my sister at all. Sometimes she makes my stomach turn. We are very, very different people. In every way possible. She’s absolutely tiny in terms of weight. I’ve seen bigger legs hang out of nests. However she is a toned skinny. All her features are defined perfectly, her neck, hips, arms, almost toned, which Is surprising because she never exercises. Me, however. Im not thin, I’ve got a bit more weight than I’d like to possess… a lot more weight, actually. I’m conscious of wearing clothes that are not at least 2 sizes too big so that they look baggy, whilst Amy is happiest wearing a crop top and looks beautiful in a bikini on holiday. She wears glasses and has a very slight lazy eye that doesn’t really make an appearance until she’d had her glasses off for a while. Her hearing is quite bad, there’s talk of a hearing aid soon. She’s also had cosmetic surgery to reconstruct bones inside her head and to pin an ear back as it was effecting her hearing so much. Luckily, my senses are all intact. When I was at school, getting told off for something was NOT cool and I would beat myself up about it so much, whereas it seems Amy tries for this and then laughs when she’s punished. She got more detentions in a week than I did my entire high-school life. She HATES reading, I’ve written a book. She likes purple, I like pink. I like rock, pop punk, metal, screamo. She likes Justin Bieber, Taylor swift, one direction. My friends are mostly boys, hers are all girls. She cannot stand school and learning and education. I enjoy it. I do homework the night I get it, she does homework the morning it’s due… are you getting my point? NOTHING connects us as people apart from our last name. we’re just complete opposite beings. Despite this though, she’s still my sister. I know for a fact that when she gets hurt by anything or anyone, I cry a hell of a lot more than she does. I know if she is in trouble, I’ll do anything I can to help her. I’m so very glad she’s not a stuck up little girl who thinks she’s all that and more like half the girls in her year because I’d probably dislike her even more than I like to think I do. I don’t, though, I just really struggle to understand her way of thinking because it’s so different to my own. I love her though, I really do. Image



So, 2013. I thought I’d briefly review this year.
It’s been a flipping sad one – the first thing I did that was of any significance this year was bury my lovely nanna. Her death affected this whole year because it simply made me sad. There’s just that little bit of happiness that will probably never return because it’s gone with her.
So many people lost their loved ones this year, so many people experienced sadness, and 2014 needs to be a year without all that. However I’m not naive enough to believe or hope it will be. It could still, just like 2013, be full of happiness, that makes up for the sadness. I can’t wait for the memories I make this year, that are just as good as the last.
2013 was the year I got my GCSE exam results, that in turn got me in to Sir John Deane’s college where I met some really brilliant people, all the people I can call my friends.
It was also our year for Prom! That was a lovely night with my whole year group there, spending one last night together before gallivanting off to college and jobs and sixth form.
After prom, again – a great night I can’t say I remember a lot of.
I turned 16 in the summer of 2013. Along with my bestfriend Sarah, we had a party & we and all our friends counted down till midnight when we were 16, it was such a good night.
Harvey took me to the theatre for the first time to see ‘ghost’ the musical. Then we ate in a little Italian restaraunt, it was an amazing day!
Of course, the rest of the summer was just as amazing, me & Becca had days out to Manchester, saw the vamps live and even met them & got photo’s. They’re days I have brilliant memories from. 🙂
Campouts with my friends, picnics at the Dane, days out shopping.
My book, ‘away with the fairies’ is in script form now, just waiting for a film company to select it. However, I kind of hope it doesn’t, so in the future I can re-write it to be Better.
I joined the National Citizen Service through college, where again, I made great friends, had brilliant experiences and achieved a great deal.
2013 was the year of music for me. I saw so many bands live,
imagine dragons, sleeping with sirens, patent pending, bowling for soup, pierce the veil, bring me the horizon and the vamps.
I also read brillllllliant books, the hunger games trilogy, the fault in our stars, watch over me, the great gatsby and murmuring judges are of a few.
2013 was also the year of fundraising. I held ‘the red lion project’ raising money for Marie cutie, RSPCA, help for heroes, dEBra and The MS trust. My friend Charlie needed to go to America for cancer treatment and for that I raised almost £2000 which helped her get the treatment she needed. The NCS also sent 166 and counting blankets and boxes of toys to Romanian families.
Wow, there’s so much more. It really was a good year.
Happy new year and I hope 2014 is even better than 2013!
Love from me. X

Family meetup, Charades and Loud Music..

Today was that family thing we do every year at Grandma’s. It was really fun, nice to see the cousins and all that, we had a good laugh playing Chrades.. Martin was acting out the word ‘obscure’ for absolutely ages until I managed to put ‘BobManure’ into a word with some significance. I think there was no one happier than Martin when I finally got it.

There was SO MUCH food. It just didn’t stop coming. I don’t think I can eat for a week now. 

Tomorrow, Harvey is taking me to London to see ‘Billy Elliot – The musical.’ Im so so so so excited! Ive only been to London once when I was younger, so to just go there is amazing, but then to see one of my favourite films in theatre is just an added bonus!

I cannot sleep. There’s a party downstairs and the music is so loud, I honesty don’t think it would make a difference if I was sat in bed in the middle of the dancefloor, it’s that loud.

 I really should sleep soon.. or try.

Christmas day 2013

I am writing to you from my new shiny laptop, which I am very lucky to have! 🙂

I also got a new pink toilet seat – partly as a joke because I always use my parents’ bathroom rather than my own.

I got lots of other stuff too, I’ve been incredibly spoilt.

especially, by Harvey, who got me tickets to a London theatre showing of Billy Elliot the musical, Its honestly the best present I have!

This year is the first Christmas that as a family we opened our presents Christmas morning, not at 6pm or boxing day which until recently we did. I felt like opening them at 9.30 was FAR too early, but it was great and we even had smoked salmon and scrambled egg on toast!

This Christmas has also been a really, really good one ( so far, I don’t want to speak too soon! ) literally the best I can remember. Its the first year we haven’t done food at the pub and working on the bar isn’t that bad – to be honest working Christmas day is never bad but  got lots of tips and it was kinda chilled.

Last year, Nanna passed  away and although its really sad not seeing her today I know nothing can make this Christmas worse than last year. The year before that, we spent most of the day in the hospital with Amy after her bandage slipped from an ear operation and then we had to go home and work and by the end of it we were pooped!

All in all, today’s been great so far; I’ve eaten an entire box of chocolates and I’m still excited for a  HUGE turkey roast dinner! I think we’re going to watch the movies I bought mum for Christmas, too.

I cant wait to spend new year with all my friends!

No light no light

On one hand, I love looking through all the old photos I have and smiling to myself, remembering all the fun that was had that day as the memories that had been forgotten make themselves known again. I laugh like I did when things actually happened, for example, the video of Sarah’s dance to the moulin rouge song at becca’s house probably makes me laugh more now than it did when it happened. Playing UNO and charades at Lucy’s house, crying at the notebook and the summer film days at my house and the incredibly girly sleepovers with Chinese takeaways and timeout bars that we had almost every weekend during exam season. Or when I look at the photo of when I wrote ‘I love Michaela’ on Harvey’s arm in year nine and he wrote ‘I love Harvey’ on mine and it lead me to remember the time in school when I really, really liked him through a lot of school and the time he jokingly asked me for a fork from the canteen, so I got him one and in return he stole me a spoon. Little things like that. That make me smile . Then there are things for example like before, I happened to notice the red gummy bear Harvey named ‘Gertrude’ last Christmas was still sitting on my shelf. Sticky and covered in dust.. I forgot I kept it. Or the photo of us with candy-floss mustaches that we took at the circus, that is still in my locket that He gave me. I forgot about the time he burnt me a CD with the dirty dancing final song on it because he remembered how much I loved the film.
But on the other Hand, it makes me really, really sad. Sad to know that I’ve forgotten about these little things that mattered a lot at the time. Education and work seem to take over so much of our brains that we don’t have room for much else. I suppose that’s why I’ll always be taking video’s and photos.. Because it means so much to me to look back at things like that.
I hate to think that memories are just fading away and unless we make an effort to remember them, we just forget, as if those moments never happened. I try and remember conversations I’ve had with my Nanna, it’s not even been a year yet and I struggle to remember any of relevance. It’s so frustrating to know that I’ll never have the chance to have any more memorable ones with her and I can’t even recall the ones we have had.
I suppose the lesson from that is to not take people, or time for granted because it will end and you will forget about it eventually.
Another frustrating thing is, at the moment, I don’t even feel like I’m replacing the old memories with new, better ones. I’m just finding myself missing the old times more and more.
There is barely any time to see my bestfriends around college and extra curricular things, and there’s not many more ‘little-things-that-mean-a lot’ between me and Harvey anymore, they all seem to have just faded and I feel as if it’s my fault for not putting the effort in to create these. The more I realise this the more it gets me down.
I’m going to try harder not to take things, or people, especially people for granted. I’ve learnt a cold and cruel lesson to do this by loosing things that mean so, so much to me. I thought I’d have them all here with me forever but it turns out you can’t choose what stays and what fades away.

Seriously considering writing a will.

I should definitely write more.
It’s finding the time that is hard:(
Last night, I went to a bring me the horizon concert. (If you don’t know who they are, YouTube them. If you do, you’ll know what it was like..)
They’re an amazing band and I love them and their music so much. Especially the ones that involve lyrics such as ‘when you die the only kingdom you’ll see is two foot wide and six foot deep’ and ‘the clouds won’t hear your ……. Prayers’ just because they seem to be rather angry with religion and as I am too, I enjoy it.
But, they’re quite heavy, and at concerts I can handle mosh pits, (YouTube this too if you don’t know what i mean.) I usually get into the mosh pits & I love it.
I can usually handle people crowd surfing. I’m not brave enough to try because knowing my luck I’d get dropped on my head.
Anyway, last night oli (lead singer) said that if anyone crowd surfed to the stage, he’s high five them. Naturally Harvey my boyfriend got ontop of the crowed, surfed to the front and high fived the singer. BIG achievement! I however, had lost all of my friends and Harvey and although I didn’t mind this and was still enjoying the music, I wasn’t enjoying being kicked in the head and scrambled across by crowd surfers. I drew the line when someone fell right ontop of my head, his whole weight just pushed me to the ground and I lay flat, I couldn’t move there were so many people around me and one on top of me I was literally being stood on all over and I couldn’t breathe. Then more people fell ontop of us, there must have been 5 people all lay ontop of me, they had me pushed onto the floor and as I couldn’t move or breathe to even shout for help as people stood on the parts of my body that people weren’t even lay on, I genuinely accepted that my death would be at this concert. Had I have been in a more calm frame of mind I’d have thought about what people would say about the girl who died at the bring me concert and even thought of the songs my family would choose to play at my funeral. It’s nights like last night that make me wonder whether I should write my will and keep it under my pillow.
As soon as I could, I got up, just about keeping my shoes on and thought ‘no thankyou’ and made my way towards the side of the stage where the bar was. That was a shame because I was only a couple of rows back and in the middle, but I didn’t have a death wish so I didn’t stay.
I was shaking, I think it was the fact I was so shocked at still being alive that stopped me from crying.
Words cannot describe the relief I felt when I saw Harvey stood at the bar though.
Afterwards, I waited outside and met the band. That was really cool. I got pictures and I got my ticket signed. I got home at 2am this morning and didn’t get out until 5pm.
Back to college tomorrow. Boo. But on the bright side, pantomime rehearsals start soon and I have a national citizens service meeting tomorrow, we’re helping families in Romania survive winter. Woo.
Love from me x

Patterdale hall day three – Wednesday

Alright, canoeing isn’t that bad.
My arms already ached from the mountain climb on Tuesday, and they’re aching even more now, and I can still hear myself and my friends shouting ‘ROW,ROW,ROW’ over and over so that we stayed in time.
We went from the house across a big lake onto a little island. Then.. WE CLIFF JUMPED!
It was lots of fun, even though I nearly lost a welly and the water was absolutely freezing and was about 2 foot deeper than it should have been because of rain. And the boat house was flooded so we had to swim in and out.
Then, we had lunch ( tuna sandwiches ) and went back outside to play archery. I didn’t do too bad. Only missed the target once.
We’re going home tomorrow. I’m quite glad, because I need some clean clothes, a comfy bed and a lot of homework needs to be done!
Love from me x

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