Here we go again!

The last time I posted on this blog was just after I left college.. and now, here I am again just five months off graduating from university!!

I’m not even sure what made me want to come and look at this blog again, to be very honest I wasn’t even sure if i’d deleted it or not.. reading back on some of the awfully cringe things I’ve written in the past though, I almost wish I did.

Anyways, I’m actually quite glad I didn’t because reading through some of these older posts has actually brought back some really lovely memories that I’d forgotten about! I have such an awful, awful memory and it makes me SO sad, which is why i’m always writing things down or taking pictures.

In my last post I explained that I stopped writing because college had made writing into more of a chore for me than a hobby, and although I don’t feel that way as much throughout uni, I have definitely found that it is SO difficult to find the time to read and write as much without feeling guilty that what you’re doing isn’t related to your studying and therefore you shouldn’t be doing it.

Like I said though, I am coming to the end of my degree now and although it doesn’t require the same style of reading/writing that I enjoy as a hobby, there’s only so much staring at words and putting them into a sequence that a person can take. ( Plus, I’ve discovered various netflix seasons since college, which have also taken up much more of my time than I should allow them to). But anyway, I would like to start to enjoy it all again because I realize that writing really is the best method of expression for myself and honestly, I enjoy it. Long gone are the dreams of becoming the next J. K. Rowling, but in their place are goals equally as exciting.

I did worry that I wouldn’t have anything worth reading to write about, but then I realized that this blog really is more of a personal place for expression, and should others want to read along and enjoy it ( or laugh about me behind my back, either is fine) then that’s nice too.

Love, Me. x






The last time I wrote here was almost a year ago.

I kind of decided I was done with blogging, it started to seem silly, a diary seemed more appropriate a place to write my thoughts if I felt the need to write them and I lost the will to write leisurely, what with all 3 of my A-level subjects requiring essays. Writing ( and reading, to be honest) became more of a task than a hobby and so it happened at college and seldom anywhere else.

Now, though. College is over. forever. done. finished.

(at least I hope so.)

It’s weird, saying that.. but I was definitely ready to finish. After being in full-time education since the age of 4, when I started the little primary school in my village, 17 year old Michaela was definitely ready for a break.

A-levels are finished. I sat 5 exams for 3 subjects, handed in 1 literature essay for coursework and one dissertation for my Extended project qualification. That was it. All this determines whether or not I go to my university of choice. ( University of Sheffield.) It seems nothing now.. but the last two years of my life have seemingly been the most stressful so far.

Before writing this post, I read back on some of my older ones. ( I cannot describe to you the sheer amount of ‘cringe’ I experienced.) I very nearly deleted every single post and started again, but some of them can be considered half decent I suppose and they actually brought back some good memories! still, I need to sort it out because 15 year old Michaela was paaaaathetic!…sometimes.

I did realise though that I worried alot over things that are so incredibly irrellevant to myself now ( see post : ‘nothing lasts forever’ and discover that past Michaela was actually a thing of wisdom on the rare occassion.) and that Leeds festival was a really bloody good long weekend last year, and I’d forgotten alot of the little details that made it special until I read the post again and they all came flooding back, making me happy.

Anyways, back to the point ( there is one, promise.)

Now that college is over and has been for a good few months, I’m finding the time to enjoy literature again. I did enjoy it in college, yes, but having texts and topics and themes forced upon me really took out alot of the fun of it for me. I did read some great novels though: The Yellow wallpaper and The Handmaid’s tale being two favourites. I even found that I didn’t want to stab myself in the eye with a pen when faced with Shakespeare’s ‘Measure for Measure’ because it was actually quite an interesting moral debate..once I translated it into a language I could understand. So about a month ago I fired up the ol’ kindle for the first time this year and haven’t stopped reading since. I re-read ‘Neverwhere’ by Neil Gaiman first because honestly, it’s just so good. If you haven’t read it, read it now. ( Or after you’ve finished reading this pointless spiel of mine.)

And then the other day I decided I was ready to write again. So here I am.

It’s been a year and alot has changed, yet at the same time, alot is the same.

new things: I can drive; I have glasses ( that I don’t wear often enough); I’m TWO STONE LIGHTER than I was when I last posted ( which honestly, im bloody estatic about. One more to go.) and so many expeirences I don’t know where to start with the list.


new places: Poland & Bulgaria. Poland is a trip I wish i’d posted about. Maybe I will yet. It was a psychology/sociology/history trip with college focusing on the holocaust & Auschwitz. It was amazing. Bulgaria was also amazing, for a very different reason. I might post about it. All that needs to be said though was that I was happy through every minute of it.


People have left my life in one way or another. 2015 is the year I lost my precious Grandma. Of course, it was not as much of a shock as losing my nanna, but it hurts all the same. For the first time since year 10, I don’t have a boyfriend. That wasn’t so much sad, more of a change that I think needed to happen. For lack of a better Oxymoron, it was Bittersweet.


Of course, I still have my wonderful 5 best pals. I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of those. Good job I don’t want to.

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Love, me. x

Leeds Festival, 2014

A bag of wine,
Is wonderful,
A bag of wine is wonderful,
It’s full of wine, wine and more wine,
A bag of wine is wonderful!

I cannot recall the number of times I shouted, called, sang and screamed that chant because to be honest, I never started counting. If I did though, I am certain it would be perhaps a three.. maybe four digit number.

It is the song to my first ever festival.. and just as Macklemore said, you never quite forget your first festival.

Along with 90’000 others, I have experienced the most incredible and memorable 5 days of this summer.

Wednesday morning, Some friends and I sat around and enjoyed a huuuge cooked breakfast, courtesy of my mum, before heading off towards the M62. A stop at a service station where we met more friends and Harvey’s car was torn apart in a ( successful ) attempt at fixing the window which had fallen down and clamped. After duct taping it back up.. we were on our way.

Once there, I hauled double my own body weight in camping equipment, food, drinks and clothes through field after field ( Lucy and Jamie had the right idea, by inflating a dingy, filling it with supplies and then pulling it ) and finally reached a spot we were happy to camp in. Met up with more friends, set up our tents and made ourselves at home.

Spent the first day and night getting to know the place, walking to other camps to see friends and going to the fairground, but not actually going on any rides because every single ride span about at an unbelievable speed that none of us wanted to attempt at experiencing with a stomach full of vodka. Harvey bought a poncho and feather hat because, well.. because. And Lewis, Georgia, Jamie, Lucy and I got spray on tattoos. Of course, Mine was a fairy.

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Spent Thursday doing the same, visiting stalls, other friends, cooking noodles, organising which music acts we were going to see over the weekend. Spent the night watching a band called ‘The midnight beast’, one I like very much and was a brilliant first act to see, and then dancing at the relentless stage ( basically a huge huge huge party in a forest. )
Leeds Relentless 740
On the way back from, however, we had to climb a very very steep, very very muddy hill. Me being me, of course, slipped, landed in the mud and in my slightly intoxicated state couldn’t focus on anything, let alone stand up, decided I wasn’t going anywhere… until a very nice gent, who didn’t mind my muddy hand making his just as muddy, helped me up the hill.

The next day, the arena was open and the music starting. After a wonderful breakfast of noodles and brunch bars, we headed to the main stage and found a good spot right at the front, where we stayed for TEN HOURS. We saw every band that was on that day at the main stage, ( the story so far, tonight alive, young guns, papa roach, sleeping with sirens, a day  to remember, you me at six, macklemore and BLINK 182) and it was ALOT of fun. However, by 11pm we were all back at the tents, aching at every movement, cold, in need of the toilet ( which were typical festival toilets and disgusting ) and tired.. so, we slept till morning.

Saturday was a GOOD DAY. Gerard way of the late My chemical romance was performing and my friends are huge fans of his, so they went to the signing tent where they queued up to meet him, whilst the rest of us sat in the sun listening to music and went on the fairground rides. We saw Gerard, La dispute, Twin atlantic, Mallory Knox, Wilkinson, Queens of the stone age, vampire weekend, paramore and so many more!

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Lucy was bet she couldn’t touch 100 beards in an hour, she touched 218 in half an hour.

Matt threw a chair at our camping neighbours for being so loud at stupid times of the morning. Then he got punched by the guy the chair hit.

Kyle took a poo outside someone’s tent.

Conor put his tent on the fire.

Paramore brought a fan on stage.

I cried throughout most of Paramore’s set.

Alot more insane things happened.

Sunday was equally as good, spent out in the sun, sat in the field, listening to live music was just so great, the best thing to do.


After returning to our tents at around 7am after dancing all night and through the sunrise, we had around an hour’s sleep before packing up and heading home. 

I have MAJOR festival blues and so many more wonderful things to remember  but frankly i’m tired of typing now!



Nothing lasts forever.

So, as I decided to read back over some older posts on here ( major cringe!) I realised that half the time I turn to writing when i’m feeling particularly low, so I read back on alot of the negative times in my life. 

I realise that half of them, i think ‘I can’t even remember that happening!’ or ‘really? was I over reacting that much?’ but at the time I know it felt as if the world was ending. Or my world, at least.

I know that I should take care not to overthink most things, or worry too much and that I should step back and realise that the world isn’t in fact, ending. But sometimes that is not the most simple of tasks.


I think everyone goes through this, there’s times of complete and utter darkness and you sit there genuinely questioning whether or not you’re going to be okay, whether you’re ever going to be happy again.

I think it’s just important to remember that nothing lasts forever ( 5 seconds of summer lyric.. oops) and whilst this is quite sad when relevant to good times, it is also relevant to the bad, too. It means that even though it’s really really poo when something good ends, it also means the bad is able to end, too..eventually, you won’t even remember why you felt so bad.


Smile, because things will get better. 🙂 

Tim Burton’s Mothers day tears and fire alarms

What I don’t get, is why Alice went home.

In Tim Burton’s version, she doesn’t have a wonderful relationship with her mother, her father is dead, her sister is off and married, she doesn’t like her friends and she doesn’t want to marry Haymitch. She just doesn’t want to be there. Of course, she had duties and what not but to be honest, ‘Underland’, full of such unimaginable creativity, ruled by the white Queen just seemed like a much better option to somebody in her position to be honest.

Then again, it was all a dream, so it’s very well she chose to go home because she’d have just woken up in that rabbit hole disappointed anyway.

I think I’ll read the book again in summer. There’s too much revision that has to come first so I  cant read it now. POOP.

Haven’t continued with my happiness posts in a while. I’ve been pretty busy and if I do find time i’m too tired to find things i’m happy about.

Today is mother’s day. 

Amy, William and I decided we’d surprise mum by getting up really early and making breakfast for us all. HOWEVER, as we were all creeping around the kitchen, I was cooking bacon, William was setting the table and Amy was writing out the card and wrapping Mum’s presents, I accidentally burnt the bacon and the fire alarm, which rings through the entire pub and house started to SCREAM. We ran around frantically opening every single door and window in the building like turning it off quicker was actually going to prevent mum from waking up and spoiling the surprise. She shortly came running down in her dressing gown, followed promptly by my dad in his boxers ( a sight I NEVER wish to see ever again ) and took the bacon, which was still slowly cremating away on the hob ( I left it cooking in all the commotion) and threw it in the sink. ‘WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS GOING ON’ is all my half asleep father could say about three times before finally disconnecting the three or four fire alarms throughout the pub as Amy tried to hide mum’s presents from her and William hid from my dad’s rage.

I instantly burst into tears and cried ‘ I WAS JUST TRYING TO MAKE BREAAAAKFAAAAAAST’ and mum just started to laugh…. alot. and Dad’s expression softened as he hugged me. I was the laughing stock of the family.

Anyway, Mum scraped away the remains of the bacon and helped me start again before going upstairs to ‘pretend it never happened’, Dad went and bought us some more eggs ( the first ones were ruined ) Amy made a pot of tea and Williiam finished setting the table. 

The breakfast was lovely, the letter and presents us children got Mum made her AND DAD cry like babies ( or me half an hour before. ) and we got called ‘the best children ever.’ 

If brownie points were money i’d be living in a disney castle with a pink porsche by now.

Im very, very sleepy.

Love from me. x


The future is a scary place

I have spent the evening in the gym. I got home to see the pile of university prospectuses, sighed and went on to cry into my laughing cow cheese and bread-sticks dip pot. I stopped when I realised the cheese was watery and  no longer edible.

Alright, I’m not that pathetic.. but I feel it.

before today, I was set on taking a gap year after college, going to america, auditioning to be a disneyland face actor and working for a year, either successfully as a face character or if that failed, just in the park. I got really excited about it, it’s really sad. I researched the audition process, practised parts such as animation, where you’re asked to act out certain daily scenes without talking, I researched height, weight requirements, accommodation, a work visa, how to have the ‘disney look’ I watched endless videos,planned to have my hair back to the natural colour and to get a brace, and even practised my smile so it was less ‘gummy’ …like I said, really, really, unbelievably pathetic but it is exactly what I want to do, short term of course because the princesses can only be under the age of 27. Just for a year, then get a degree, a career etc.

However, today I went to a convention where they hold a little booth for lots of universities and I realised how important a degree is. Plus I don’t want to end up behind my friends and my boyfriend in life. I don’t want to graduate and start life a year later than everybody else. So I thought, if I go for three years, I’ll graduate when I’m twenty, thanks to my August birthday and then I’ll still be young enough to be a face character and older and more mature enough to live in america for 12 months alone.

But then I feel like I’m putting what I WANT to do on hold for what I NEED to do.

on top of that, I brought home 22 prospectuses today. 22. I don’t know which Uni to go to, I don’t know what degree I want to take because I wanted to do psychology, but i’m poo at A level and so it would’nt seem wise to try and do a degree. other than that, theres not a great deal i’m good at to be able to complete a degree in it.

Love, a very confused me x


So, 2013. I thought I’d briefly review this year.
It’s been a flipping sad one – the first thing I did that was of any significance this year was bury my lovely nanna. Her death affected this whole year because it simply made me sad. There’s just that little bit of happiness that will probably never return because it’s gone with her.
So many people lost their loved ones this year, so many people experienced sadness, and 2014 needs to be a year without all that. However I’m not naive enough to believe or hope it will be. It could still, just like 2013, be full of happiness, that makes up for the sadness. I can’t wait for the memories I make this year, that are just as good as the last.
2013 was the year I got my GCSE exam results, that in turn got me in to Sir John Deane’s college where I met some really brilliant people, all the people I can call my friends.
It was also our year for Prom! That was a lovely night with my whole year group there, spending one last night together before gallivanting off to college and jobs and sixth form.
After prom, again – a great night I can’t say I remember a lot of.
I turned 16 in the summer of 2013. Along with my bestfriend Sarah, we had a party & we and all our friends counted down till midnight when we were 16, it was such a good night.
Harvey took me to the theatre for the first time to see ‘ghost’ the musical. Then we ate in a little Italian restaraunt, it was an amazing day!
Of course, the rest of the summer was just as amazing, me & Becca had days out to Manchester, saw the vamps live and even met them & got photo’s. They’re days I have brilliant memories from. 🙂
Campouts with my friends, picnics at the Dane, days out shopping.
My book, ‘away with the fairies’ is in script form now, just waiting for a film company to select it. However, I kind of hope it doesn’t, so in the future I can re-write it to be Better.
I joined the National Citizen Service through college, where again, I made great friends, had brilliant experiences and achieved a great deal.
2013 was the year of music for me. I saw so many bands live,
imagine dragons, sleeping with sirens, patent pending, bowling for soup, pierce the veil, bring me the horizon and the vamps.
I also read brillllllliant books, the hunger games trilogy, the fault in our stars, watch over me, the great gatsby and murmuring judges are of a few.
2013 was also the year of fundraising. I held ‘the red lion project’ raising money for Marie cutie, RSPCA, help for heroes, dEBra and The MS trust. My friend Charlie needed to go to America for cancer treatment and for that I raised almost £2000 which helped her get the treatment she needed. The NCS also sent 166 and counting blankets and boxes of toys to Romanian families.
Wow, there’s so much more. It really was a good year.
Happy new year and I hope 2014 is even better than 2013!
Love from me. X

Family meetup, Charades and Loud Music..

Today was that family thing we do every year at Grandma’s. It was really fun, nice to see the cousins and all that, we had a good laugh playing Chrades.. Martin was acting out the word ‘obscure’ for absolutely ages until I managed to put ‘BobManure’ into a word with some significance. I think there was no one happier than Martin when I finally got it.

There was SO MUCH food. It just didn’t stop coming. I don’t think I can eat for a week now.


I really should sleep soon.. or try.

Christmas day 2013

I am writing to you from my new shiny laptop, which I am very lucky to have! 🙂

I also got a new pink toilet seat – partly as a joke because I always use my parents’ bathroom rather than my own.

I got lots of other stuff too, I’ve been incredibly spoilt.

This year is the first Christmas that as a family we opened our presents Christmas morning, not at 6pm or boxing day which until recently we did. I felt like opening them at 9.30 was FAR too early, but it was great and we even had smoked salmon and scrambled egg on toast!

This Christmas has also been a really, really good one ( so far, I don’t want to speak too soon! ) literally the best I can remember. Its the first year we haven’t done food at the pub and working on the bar isn’t that bad – to be honest working Christmas day is never bad but  got lots of tips and it was kinda chilled.

Last year, Nanna passed  away and although its really sad not seeing her today I know nothing can make this Christmas worse than last year. The year before that, we spent most of the day in the hospital with Amy after her bandage slipped from an ear operation and then we had to go home and work and by the end of it we were pooped!

All in all, today’s been great so far; I’ve eaten an entire box of chocolates and I’m still excited for a  HUGE turkey roast dinner! I think we’re going to watch the movies I bought mum for Christmas, too.

I cant wait to spend new year with all my friends!

No light no light

On one hand, I love looking through all the old photos I have and smiling to myself, remembering all the fun that was had that day as the memories that had been forgotten make themselves known again. I laugh like I did when things actually happened, for example, the video of Sarah’s dance to the moulin rouge song at becca’s house probably makes me laugh more now than it did when it happened. Playing UNO and charades at Lucy’s house, crying at the notebook and the summer film days at my house and the incredibly girly sleepovers with Chinese takeaways and timeout bars that we had almost every weekend during exam season. Or when I look at the photo of when I wrote ‘I love Michaela’ on Harvey’s arm in year nine and he wrote ‘I love Harvey’ on mine and it lead me to remember the time in school when I really, really liked him through a lot of school and the time he jokingly asked me for a fork from the canteen, so I got him one and in return he stole me a spoon. Little things like that. That make me smile . Then there are things for example like before, I happened to notice the red gummy bear Harvey named ‘Gertrude’ last Christmas was still sitting on my shelf. Sticky and covered in dust.. I forgot I kept it. Or the photo of us with candy-floss mustaches that we took at the circus, that is still in my locket that He gave me. I forgot about the time he burnt me a CD with the dirty dancing final song on it because he remembered how much I loved the film.
But on the other Hand, it makes me really, really sad. Sad to know that I’ve forgotten about these little things that mattered a lot at the time. Education and work seem to take over so much of our brains that we don’t have room for much else. I suppose that’s why I’ll always be taking video’s and photos.. Because it means so much to me to look back at things like that.
I hate to think that memories are just fading away and unless we make an effort to remember them, we just forget, as if those moments never happened. I try and remember conversations I’ve had with my Nanna, it’s not even been a year yet and I struggle to remember any of relevance. It’s so frustrating to know that I’ll never have the chance to have any more memorable ones with her and I can’t even recall the ones we have had.
I suppose the lesson from that is to not take people, or time for granted because it will end and you will forget about it eventually.
Another frustrating thing is, at the moment, I don’t even feel like I’m replacing the old memories with new, better ones. I’m just finding myself missing the old times more and more.
There is barely any time to see my bestfriends around college and extra curricular things, and there’s not many more ‘little-things-that-mean-a lot’ between me and Harvey anymore, they all seem to have just faded and I feel as if it’s my fault for not putting the effort in to create these. The more I realise this the more it gets me down.
I’m going to try harder not to take things, or people, especially people for granted. I’ve learnt a cold and cruel lesson to do this by loosing things that mean so, so much to me. I thought I’d have them all here with me forever but it turns out you can’t choose what stays and what fades away.

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