The future is a scary place

I have spent the evening in the gym. I got home to see the pile of university prospectuses, sighed and went on to cry into my laughing cow cheese and bread-sticks dip pot. I stopped when I realised the cheese was watery and  no longer edible.

Alright, I’m not that pathetic.. but I feel it.

before today, I was set on taking a gap year after college, going to america, auditioning to be a disneyland face actor and working for a year, either successfully as a face character or if that failed, just in the park. I got really excited about it, it’s really sad. I researched the audition process, practised parts such as animation, where you’re asked to act out certain daily scenes without talking, I researched height, weight requirements, accommodation, a work visa, how to have the ‘disney look’ I watched endless videos,planned to have my hair back to the natural colour and to get a brace, and even practised my smile so it was less ‘gummy’ …like I said, really, really, unbelievably pathetic but it is exactly what I want to do, short term of course because the princesses can only be under the age of 27. Just for a year, then get a degree, a career etc.

However, today I went to a convention where they hold a little booth for lots of universities and I realised how important a degree is. Plus I don’t want to end up behind my friends and my boyfriend in life. I don’t want to graduate and start life a year later than everybody else. So I thought, if I go for three years, I’ll graduate when I’m twenty, thanks to my August birthday and then I’ll still be young enough to be a face character and older and more mature enough to live in america for 12 months alone.

But then I feel like I’m putting what I WANT to do on hold for what I NEED to do.

on top of that, I brought home 22 prospectuses today. 22. I don’t know which Uni to go to, I don’t know what degree I want to take because I wanted to do psychology, but i’m poo at A level and so it would’nt seem wise to try and do a degree. other than that, theres not a great deal i’m good at to be able to complete a degree in it.

Love, a very confused me x