My mad fat diary

Okay. So i’m not 16, not 16 stone and havent just been realeased
from a mental ward. However i feel that in some ways i can relate to Ray Earl. This is not because i’m the size of a bus, because i’m not. some days i feel close though.
I can relate when she fantasises about unzipping a huge fat suit and stepping out slim and sexy and beautiful.
When she thinks ‘right, I WILL loose this weight, I will do this.’ And then five minutes later the biscuit cupboard calls her.
I am overweight. I dont have the flat stomach all the ‘fit’ girls have. I cant wear tight tops or dresses, because my lumps and bumps will spill out and make everyone sick.
I wish i could wear those pretty dresses and have boys drool over me all the time though, just like rae earl does. She looks even bigger and more ugly around her slim, pretty friends. I know how that feels, it isnt nice.
It’s not like its anyone’s fault, sometimes it’s mine. I eat excessive amounts. But sometimes I really do try with excersise and eat healthy but it never lasts long.
Listen to me though. There are girls out there much bigger than me and on top of it all, i have a boyfriend. A really lovely, good looking boyfriend who tells me that i’m perfect everyday, yet i find it so difficult to believe him.
But look on a young girls twitter feed – so much unhappiness and insecurity when it comes to a girls body. Society put the standard far too high for any girls to live up to and this leads to SO much unhapppiness, I hate seeing it.. Everywhere. Stunning girls forever thinking they’re not good enough for anyone.
I can’t describe the anger I feel when girls who are so pretty and have amazing features and bodies feel worthless against their best friend, just because they have one cup size bigger boobs than them. Don’t you see how wrong you are? How beautiful you are and how jealous I am of your beauty? How jealous others are? I wish you could:( your eyes are glossy and shine when you smile. Your figure looks lovely in a dress and your hair looks good any colour. One day her boobs may sag and hurt her back, but yours will be in tact and catching the boys’ eyes. A decent boy will find you and love your craziness, and they will tell you you’re perfect.
Omg, my own soppy ness is making me feel ill. Sorry..
I’m not sure where I’m going with this, like with many other of my posts, I suppose I just want to express my feelings towards this topic.
Maybe I’ll update this post when I know what I’m trying to say.

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